#883- Learn to Tie a Bow Tie

Not to be confused with #43- Learn to Tie a Tie, for a plethora of reasons, learning to tie a bow tie is a skill oft overlooked, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a vital one.

george-clooney-velvet-bow-tieThere are fair few times when a bow tie is called for, but at least one is of incredible importance- weddings.  Whether you’re Grooms-manning (#37) or actually Getting Married (#1,000), you should look damn good in a bow tie that doesn’t clip-on.

Frankly, as much of a man’s man as my father is, I don’t think there has been a moment in his existence where he’s even contemplated wearing a bow tie- a man can be honest with himself (#6,393)- and Big John is just not a bow tie man.  He rocked the cravat at his wedding, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t look fly.  So, if you’ve got a father that lives a Bill Nye-ian existence or he attends a lot of black tie affairs, well, stop reading now, and go talk to your old man and learn from your dad like all aspiring men are supposed to (#9,110).  If not, here’s my tip-

If you want to learn to tie a bow tie, go buy one.  Go to Brooks Brothers or Bloomingdales or some other big department store with a legit men’s section, or find a little boutique shop with old fellows with chalk marks on around their pockets and tape measures around their necks, and be humble.

Tell the guy that you want to buy a bowtie, but have no bow-tying experience- he’ll show you.bowtie

He’ll show you better than Youtube videos and be there to comment on your technique and finished product and make you do it three or four times until he is confident that you bowtie2 know how to do it properly.  And he’ll give you a few tips learned only with age and practice, which you won’t quite understand right away but will know at least what you’re working toward.

Then buy the bow tie- he gets paid on commission, and working with a knucklehead like you, he’s definitely earned it that day.  Take his card and shake his hand and thank him for taking the time to class you up a bit.

My personal recommendation is Bill in Bloomingdales at the Chestnut Hill Mall.

I’ll be damned if all the jokers in their clip ons standing next to you don’t look like more like ring bearers than groomsmen- so make sure if you go that route you hook the groom up as well. Striped_bow_tie

Or you can always reach out to my boy Marv, and get a bow tie that never needs tying, yet is somehow still classy.

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